Saturday, 23 August 2014

Porn, rhubarb and implants. . . welcome to the weird world of an MP’s summer


Thanks to David Cameron’s stubbornness, it looks as though MPs will enjoy their summer recess without being summoned back to Parliament early, in spite of one of the worst periods in international affairs for many years. The Prime Minister has returned to his second summer holiday, and presumably other MPs are doing the same: relaxing on beaches, clearing their moats: whatever it is out-of-touch Westminster bubble dwellers are supposed to do.
Except, as any MP will remind you given half the chance, that’s not what the summer recess is for. MPs, like teachers, can get a little chippy when you suggest that they’re not working flat out the whole time. In recess, they return to their constituencies to try to catch up on everything left hanging while they are at the Commons.
One study found that a third of MPs spend up to half their time solving problems on behalf of their constituents. For another third it’s more like three quarters. Quite right, you might think. Why aren’t they spending all their time solving voters’ issues? And then you look at the sort of queries that make up the 200 new cases many receive each month.
Moat-clearing it ain’t. When I sat in on Labour MP Tristram Hunt’s constituency surgery in Stoke recently, I watched as a stream of people entered with bags stuffed full of horribly big piles of paper that showed just how horribly they were being treated by the state, the landlord, the bank, or [fill in blank]. They dumped this heaving mass of letters, bills, final demands and court summonses on the trestle table Mr Hunt had set up in one corner of a vast gym. Then they asked him to sort them out.
MPs must give the impression they are all-powerful: why else would a woman have asked the Tory MP Tim Loughton for advice on how to make the man who had dumped her change his mind? Perhaps the man who left a 3am voicemail with another MP telling him he was having a heart attack had similarly high opinions of his representative (when a panicked caseworker phoned back the following morning, the chap was fine).

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